A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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