if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
