I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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