Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
