hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Can you bring me the toilet please
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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