bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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