I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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