We're like a lot better than the average bears
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
A bitchslap is in order.
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