I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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