you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
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