I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
