I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
