Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
