Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
