Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
he thought i was a dude.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
