she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Randomize
