I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
