He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
