We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
