Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
