I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
We left the knife in your bed.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
