It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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