Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
