Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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