I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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