come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
