All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
