there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
No subtext here. People are naked.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
