I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize