i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
