Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
