he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
