Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
