clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
