His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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