do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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