Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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