Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
