Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
