Can i not drive my cunt home
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
