I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
