So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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