I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
