Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
