and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
