i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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