I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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