just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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