i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
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