On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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