Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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