I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
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her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
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You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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