I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
