puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
