I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
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I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
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I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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