you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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