i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Randomize
