Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
