It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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