My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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