season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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