i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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