if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
