Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
