I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
21 Distraught People Found Out They Had An STD
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick