it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
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Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
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Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
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