Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now