I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
