I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
