If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Randomize
