Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
She's the barista slut.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
