Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
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