I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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